What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
