you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
