I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
