So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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