The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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