girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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