Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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