Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
