totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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