what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
