On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
