it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
