Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
