do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
