I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I wish i was in the wii world.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
