i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
