And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
