We won't sleep together?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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