Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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