if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
