she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
