cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
