I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
