I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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