can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
