You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
