so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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