I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I wish you could order shots online.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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