Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
