But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
