mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
