There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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