Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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