shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
