piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
