gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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