I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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