Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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