my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We are all done wearing pants today
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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