Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
