i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
