Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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