I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
