Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
