omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
