I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
