she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
