we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Blood and glitter go together right?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
