I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
