I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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