so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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