The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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