i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
