ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
