Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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