Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
