I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
