OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
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