Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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