happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
