I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
