Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
