we have pet lesbian snakes
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
