I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
