So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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