THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
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LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
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That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I can't trust your balls anymore.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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