the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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