New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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