come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
