i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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