Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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