I can text with my tongue
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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