how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you would pick up someone in the library
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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