I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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