She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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