I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
