if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
