Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
